It’s completely normal – and healthy – for couples to argue. You’re two separate people, and you’re going to have different opinions sometimes. You might have heard of some of those classic techniques for how to fight fair, like only using statement starting with “I” or trying not to call names.
But what you might not realize is that how you act after a fight can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment. Here are 12 reactions to avoid, whether you’re totally over it or still working on that whole forgive-and-forget thing.
1.Don’t disrespect your partner’s need for space.
“In a fight, when one partner is overwhelmed, they may not be able to process their thoughts,” Dr. Megan Flemming, clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, tells Woman’s Dat. “Which is why it’s important to respect when someone says ‘I need a break.'” It can be natural to feel anxious if your partner needs some time to cool off and collect their thoughts – if this happens, take a few deep breaths and think about how’d you want to be treated if the roles were reversed. “Understand that it’s not personal,” says Dr. Flemming.
2. Don’t have an all-or-nothing mentality.
After a heated argument with your partner, try to keep an open mind. In the midst of a fight, it can be easy to slip into black-or-white thinking. Dr. Flemming says using terms like “you always” or never” will never solve an argument, so it’s important to take a step back once things have cooled off to consider the argument from your partner’s point of view.
3.Don’t give them the cold shoulder.
If you need some space after a fight, that’s completely fine, as long as you tell them. “One of the biggest mistakes people make after an argument is stonewalling,” Rachel A. Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert in New York City, tells Woman’s Day. If you brush your partner off or ignore them, they may think you’re punishing them, which may make them hold back on telling you how they feel in the future.